It has been a week since I arrived in Canberra. All I can say is that, time sure as hell pass really quickly. I've been waiting for this moment for so long, to finally be in the arms of the man I love and to feel the sense of peace and happiness when I walk out of the house each day.
I can't deny the fact that I miss KL miserably. I miss my friends, I miss the food, I even miss the way KL looks at nights, I miss the 'chill-ness' of everyone, and most of all, I miss my mummy. I miss her terribly. Yesterday, I broke down and cried, missing her and feeling so guilty for leaving her. I miss her laughter and how she annoys me when she storms into my room and sits on my bed and demand me to entertain her. I miss our mother-daughter talks and how she treats me as a friend. She is really the best mother in the world. *sob*
I'm getting married in less than 2 months. I'm so nervous and excited at the same time. I'm trying desperately not to freak out. I can't wait to be Mrs. Halliday. =) I love him so much, sometimes I just look at him and wonder how in the world I can be so lucky, to have found this wonderful man and fall madly in love with him and have him loves me back so much. I'm truly blessed.
Right now, I'm just trying to plan everything, from the wedding to looking for a new place to move to. I am just hoping and praying that everything will work out.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Last Night.
Last night in KL. Mixed emotions. Don't even know what I should be thinking, feeling or doing. Do I fall asleep, surrounded with the comfort of home, or should I stay awake, appreciating the things around me for the very last time.
The next time I'm back 'home', I won't have a home. I won't have this. I won't belong. I will be an outsider. A foreigner, a silly tourist trying to fit in.
I know the next time, it will never be the same. I can't help but to think this is all a mistake. My mum said it's cold feet. I'm feeling anxious, nervous, excited and scared at the same time and it's natural. Is it? Is it normal to feel this way?
Here I am, about to embark on the next life. My future, away from everything and everyone I know since I was born, and about to step foot into a cold, difficult phase of my life. Am I ready for this?
I am so frightened. Sometimes, I lay on my bed for hours, tossing and turning, not even thinking logically. Waves of emotions flooded through me and I get panicky. I sigh and moan, groan and cry. But after hours of that, things have not changed. I was still lying there, having a panic attack, feeling alone and ashamed of my own feelings. Is that natural?
Why am I so scared? I always wanted this, always knew I would never regret making this decision, but then I question myself. I have no answers for my own questions, I couldn't comfort myself or assure myself that 'Yes, it's the right and best decision.'
All I can do now is to pray and hope and do the best and wisest thing I can think of, just go along with it and work hard, save money, be independent, progress in life, be faithful, be loyal, be the best wife, the best daughter in-law, perhaps even one day, the best mother. That's the only thing I can pray and hope for.
I sincerely hope that's the best decision.
Life.
Life.
So complicating, or do we humans only make it complicating?
Is this fated? Is this my destiny? Why am I here? Why is this happening to me?
Fuck.
Why don't we just live our lives, the way we want it?
Why don't we just survive?
Why don't we just be happy?
Why don't we just live?
The next time I'm back 'home', I won't have a home. I won't have this. I won't belong. I will be an outsider. A foreigner, a silly tourist trying to fit in.
I know the next time, it will never be the same. I can't help but to think this is all a mistake. My mum said it's cold feet. I'm feeling anxious, nervous, excited and scared at the same time and it's natural. Is it? Is it normal to feel this way?
Here I am, about to embark on the next life. My future, away from everything and everyone I know since I was born, and about to step foot into a cold, difficult phase of my life. Am I ready for this?
I am so frightened. Sometimes, I lay on my bed for hours, tossing and turning, not even thinking logically. Waves of emotions flooded through me and I get panicky. I sigh and moan, groan and cry. But after hours of that, things have not changed. I was still lying there, having a panic attack, feeling alone and ashamed of my own feelings. Is that natural?
Why am I so scared? I always wanted this, always knew I would never regret making this decision, but then I question myself. I have no answers for my own questions, I couldn't comfort myself or assure myself that 'Yes, it's the right and best decision.'
All I can do now is to pray and hope and do the best and wisest thing I can think of, just go along with it and work hard, save money, be independent, progress in life, be faithful, be loyal, be the best wife, the best daughter in-law, perhaps even one day, the best mother. That's the only thing I can pray and hope for.
I sincerely hope that's the best decision.
Life.
Life.
So complicating, or do we humans only make it complicating?
Is this fated? Is this my destiny? Why am I here? Why is this happening to me?
Fuck.
Why don't we just live our lives, the way we want it?
Why don't we just survive?
Why don't we just be happy?
Why don't we just live?
Saturday, June 12, 2010
7 Wonders Anniversary
12th June 2010.
A wonderful celebration day.
Today marks the 10th year anniversary of my friends and my friendship's bond. We call ourselves the 7 Wonders. Throughout high school, college and now in the working world, we have been buddies and I never doubt for even once that our friendship will end.
Sure, we have been through some rough times, had some nasty patches, some were tearful, regrettable and backstabing moments, but there were plenty of wonderful, joyful times as well. More in fact, as we gotten much more matured.
So many things I'd like to tell them, but there were never time. I always thought I'd always have another day or time I can tell them how much I love them, appreciate all they've done for me and how they've been the best friends I've ever had and could ever ask for.
So, Jennifer, Cecile, Mei Wah, Mui Theng, Nicole, Shirley -----> I heart you all.
Today is also the day I celebrate my last clubbing night with my friends as a single woman. And 3 days from now, I'll grab my luggages, board that flight and fly to a place where I had finally found and love and be together with the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. I'll never regret coming back here, nor will I regret making the decision to move there. I know I will always remember my friends, and as much as I want to be with them, I know, in time I'll have to learn to let them go.
I guess I can say, I won't be who I am today, if it is not without those beautiful, annoying, frustrating, but amazingly awesome bunch of people in my life.
A wonderful celebration day.
Today marks the 10th year anniversary of my friends and my friendship's bond. We call ourselves the 7 Wonders. Throughout high school, college and now in the working world, we have been buddies and I never doubt for even once that our friendship will end.
Sure, we have been through some rough times, had some nasty patches, some were tearful, regrettable and backstabing moments, but there were plenty of wonderful, joyful times as well. More in fact, as we gotten much more matured.
So many things I'd like to tell them, but there were never time. I always thought I'd always have another day or time I can tell them how much I love them, appreciate all they've done for me and how they've been the best friends I've ever had and could ever ask for.
So, Jennifer, Cecile, Mei Wah, Mui Theng, Nicole, Shirley -----> I heart you all.
Today is also the day I celebrate my last clubbing night with my friends as a single woman. And 3 days from now, I'll grab my luggages, board that flight and fly to a place where I had finally found and love and be together with the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. I'll never regret coming back here, nor will I regret making the decision to move there. I know I will always remember my friends, and as much as I want to be with them, I know, in time I'll have to learn to let them go.
I guess I can say, I won't be who I am today, if it is not without those beautiful, annoying, frustrating, but amazingly awesome bunch of people in my life.
Thank you for making my life beautiful!!! ~
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
INsane
I never knew you could make me feel the way you do
How you can turn and twist my words around
And charm your way through
I never knew someone like you could make my heart skip a beat
How just a touch of your skin could make me twitch
You are everything I hate
The way you talk, the way you walk
And the way you act as a man
I hate how you hold me
Touch me, dance so close with me
And the way you whisper in my ears
You're the man I love to hate
And the man I hate to love
What can I do to stop thinking of you?
You're the devil who stole my heart
And broke it into two
What can I do
When everything I do, I think of you?
I need to find a way to get you off my mind
Before I go insane
How you can turn and twist my words around
And charm your way through
I never knew someone like you could make my heart skip a beat
How just a touch of your skin could make me twitch
You are everything I hate
The way you talk, the way you walk
And the way you act as a man
I hate how you hold me
Touch me, dance so close with me
And the way you whisper in my ears
You're the man I love to hate
And the man I hate to love
What can I do to stop thinking of you?
You're the devil who stole my heart
And broke it into two
What can I do
When everything I do, I think of you?
I need to find a way to get you off my mind
Before I go insane
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Friday, June 25, 2010
1 week of miracle
It has been a week since I arrived in Canberra. All I can say is that, time sure as hell pass really quickly. I've been waiting for this moment for so long, to finally be in the arms of the man I love and to feel the sense of peace and happiness when I walk out of the house each day.
I can't deny the fact that I miss KL miserably. I miss my friends, I miss the food, I even miss the way KL looks at nights, I miss the 'chill-ness' of everyone, and most of all, I miss my mummy. I miss her terribly. Yesterday, I broke down and cried, missing her and feeling so guilty for leaving her. I miss her laughter and how she annoys me when she storms into my room and sits on my bed and demand me to entertain her. I miss our mother-daughter talks and how she treats me as a friend. She is really the best mother in the world. *sob*
I'm getting married in less than 2 months. I'm so nervous and excited at the same time. I'm trying desperately not to freak out. I can't wait to be Mrs. Halliday. =) I love him so much, sometimes I just look at him and wonder how in the world I can be so lucky, to have found this wonderful man and fall madly in love with him and have him loves me back so much. I'm truly blessed.
Right now, I'm just trying to plan everything, from the wedding to looking for a new place to move to. I am just hoping and praying that everything will work out.
I can't deny the fact that I miss KL miserably. I miss my friends, I miss the food, I even miss the way KL looks at nights, I miss the 'chill-ness' of everyone, and most of all, I miss my mummy. I miss her terribly. Yesterday, I broke down and cried, missing her and feeling so guilty for leaving her. I miss her laughter and how she annoys me when she storms into my room and sits on my bed and demand me to entertain her. I miss our mother-daughter talks and how she treats me as a friend. She is really the best mother in the world. *sob*
I'm getting married in less than 2 months. I'm so nervous and excited at the same time. I'm trying desperately not to freak out. I can't wait to be Mrs. Halliday. =) I love him so much, sometimes I just look at him and wonder how in the world I can be so lucky, to have found this wonderful man and fall madly in love with him and have him loves me back so much. I'm truly blessed.
Right now, I'm just trying to plan everything, from the wedding to looking for a new place to move to. I am just hoping and praying that everything will work out.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Last Night.
Last night in KL. Mixed emotions. Don't even know what I should be thinking, feeling or doing. Do I fall asleep, surrounded with the comfort of home, or should I stay awake, appreciating the things around me for the very last time.
The next time I'm back 'home', I won't have a home. I won't have this. I won't belong. I will be an outsider. A foreigner, a silly tourist trying to fit in.
I know the next time, it will never be the same. I can't help but to think this is all a mistake. My mum said it's cold feet. I'm feeling anxious, nervous, excited and scared at the same time and it's natural. Is it? Is it normal to feel this way?
Here I am, about to embark on the next life. My future, away from everything and everyone I know since I was born, and about to step foot into a cold, difficult phase of my life. Am I ready for this?
I am so frightened. Sometimes, I lay on my bed for hours, tossing and turning, not even thinking logically. Waves of emotions flooded through me and I get panicky. I sigh and moan, groan and cry. But after hours of that, things have not changed. I was still lying there, having a panic attack, feeling alone and ashamed of my own feelings. Is that natural?
Why am I so scared? I always wanted this, always knew I would never regret making this decision, but then I question myself. I have no answers for my own questions, I couldn't comfort myself or assure myself that 'Yes, it's the right and best decision.'
All I can do now is to pray and hope and do the best and wisest thing I can think of, just go along with it and work hard, save money, be independent, progress in life, be faithful, be loyal, be the best wife, the best daughter in-law, perhaps even one day, the best mother. That's the only thing I can pray and hope for.
I sincerely hope that's the best decision.
Life.
Life.
So complicating, or do we humans only make it complicating?
Is this fated? Is this my destiny? Why am I here? Why is this happening to me?
Fuck.
Why don't we just live our lives, the way we want it?
Why don't we just survive?
Why don't we just be happy?
Why don't we just live?
The next time I'm back 'home', I won't have a home. I won't have this. I won't belong. I will be an outsider. A foreigner, a silly tourist trying to fit in.
I know the next time, it will never be the same. I can't help but to think this is all a mistake. My mum said it's cold feet. I'm feeling anxious, nervous, excited and scared at the same time and it's natural. Is it? Is it normal to feel this way?
Here I am, about to embark on the next life. My future, away from everything and everyone I know since I was born, and about to step foot into a cold, difficult phase of my life. Am I ready for this?
I am so frightened. Sometimes, I lay on my bed for hours, tossing and turning, not even thinking logically. Waves of emotions flooded through me and I get panicky. I sigh and moan, groan and cry. But after hours of that, things have not changed. I was still lying there, having a panic attack, feeling alone and ashamed of my own feelings. Is that natural?
Why am I so scared? I always wanted this, always knew I would never regret making this decision, but then I question myself. I have no answers for my own questions, I couldn't comfort myself or assure myself that 'Yes, it's the right and best decision.'
All I can do now is to pray and hope and do the best and wisest thing I can think of, just go along with it and work hard, save money, be independent, progress in life, be faithful, be loyal, be the best wife, the best daughter in-law, perhaps even one day, the best mother. That's the only thing I can pray and hope for.
I sincerely hope that's the best decision.
Life.
Life.
So complicating, or do we humans only make it complicating?
Is this fated? Is this my destiny? Why am I here? Why is this happening to me?
Fuck.
Why don't we just live our lives, the way we want it?
Why don't we just survive?
Why don't we just be happy?
Why don't we just live?
Saturday, June 12, 2010
7 Wonders Anniversary
12th June 2010.
A wonderful celebration day.
Today marks the 10th year anniversary of my friends and my friendship's bond. We call ourselves the 7 Wonders. Throughout high school, college and now in the working world, we have been buddies and I never doubt for even once that our friendship will end.
Sure, we have been through some rough times, had some nasty patches, some were tearful, regrettable and backstabing moments, but there were plenty of wonderful, joyful times as well. More in fact, as we gotten much more matured.
So many things I'd like to tell them, but there were never time. I always thought I'd always have another day or time I can tell them how much I love them, appreciate all they've done for me and how they've been the best friends I've ever had and could ever ask for.
So, Jennifer, Cecile, Mei Wah, Mui Theng, Nicole, Shirley -----> I heart you all.
Today is also the day I celebrate my last clubbing night with my friends as a single woman. And 3 days from now, I'll grab my luggages, board that flight and fly to a place where I had finally found and love and be together with the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. I'll never regret coming back here, nor will I regret making the decision to move there. I know I will always remember my friends, and as much as I want to be with them, I know, in time I'll have to learn to let them go.
I guess I can say, I won't be who I am today, if it is not without those beautiful, annoying, frustrating, but amazingly awesome bunch of people in my life.
A wonderful celebration day.
Today marks the 10th year anniversary of my friends and my friendship's bond. We call ourselves the 7 Wonders. Throughout high school, college and now in the working world, we have been buddies and I never doubt for even once that our friendship will end.
Sure, we have been through some rough times, had some nasty patches, some were tearful, regrettable and backstabing moments, but there were plenty of wonderful, joyful times as well. More in fact, as we gotten much more matured.
So many things I'd like to tell them, but there were never time. I always thought I'd always have another day or time I can tell them how much I love them, appreciate all they've done for me and how they've been the best friends I've ever had and could ever ask for.
So, Jennifer, Cecile, Mei Wah, Mui Theng, Nicole, Shirley -----> I heart you all.
Today is also the day I celebrate my last clubbing night with my friends as a single woman. And 3 days from now, I'll grab my luggages, board that flight and fly to a place where I had finally found and love and be together with the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. I'll never regret coming back here, nor will I regret making the decision to move there. I know I will always remember my friends, and as much as I want to be with them, I know, in time I'll have to learn to let them go.
I guess I can say, I won't be who I am today, if it is not without those beautiful, annoying, frustrating, but amazingly awesome bunch of people in my life.
Thank you for making my life beautiful!!! ~
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
INsane
I never knew you could make me feel the way you do
How you can turn and twist my words around
And charm your way through
I never knew someone like you could make my heart skip a beat
How just a touch of your skin could make me twitch
You are everything I hate
The way you talk, the way you walk
And the way you act as a man
I hate how you hold me
Touch me, dance so close with me
And the way you whisper in my ears
You're the man I love to hate
And the man I hate to love
What can I do to stop thinking of you?
You're the devil who stole my heart
And broke it into two
What can I do
When everything I do, I think of you?
I need to find a way to get you off my mind
Before I go insane
How you can turn and twist my words around
And charm your way through
I never knew someone like you could make my heart skip a beat
How just a touch of your skin could make me twitch
You are everything I hate
The way you talk, the way you walk
And the way you act as a man
I hate how you hold me
Touch me, dance so close with me
And the way you whisper in my ears
You're the man I love to hate
And the man I hate to love
What can I do to stop thinking of you?
You're the devil who stole my heart
And broke it into two
What can I do
When everything I do, I think of you?
I need to find a way to get you off my mind
Before I go insane
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