Winter Solstice Festival & A Bucket

Happy Winter Solstice Festival everyone!

Last night, I made Tong Yuen to welcome the winter festival. It was my first time making them, and the hubby's first time eating them. In fact, I haven't had any for quite a few years. But whilst making them yesterday, it brought back fond memories of when I was a young girl, rolling the dough into a ball shape with my grandmother beside me, making the syrup with it's beautiful aroma of pandan and ginger in the air.
It was a tradition to us, to eat as many tong yuens as our age. For an example, if you are 25 years old, you will have to eat 25 tong yuens.

Here is the recipe for tong yuen:

Ingredients:
Syrup
1/3 cup sugar
1.5 cups water
2-3 pandan leaves/screwpine leaves
A few slices of ginger (optional)
Rice Dumplings
2 cups glutinous rice (sticky rice) flour
1 Tbsp fine sugar
7 oz water
food coloring ( 2-3 different colors )

Method:
1. To prepare syrup, boil water in a pot. Add the screwpine pleaves and let it boil on medium fire for 5 minutes. Add sugar and let it boil for 5 minutes. Lower fire and let it simmer to another 15 miuntes. Sugar can be added to taste if you like. Set aside.
2. In a big bowl, mix glutinous flour with sugar.
3. Add water and knead to form a paste. Continue to knead until it form a soft dough and no longer sticks to your hands.
4. Divide into 3-4 portion and add 2-3 drops of food coloring to the each portion of dough.
5. Divide into small balls and lightly shape into balls using both palms.
6. Set aside a few hours or overnight as this will make the dough a bit harder and easier to handle.
7. Boil another pot of water, drop the dumplings into the boiling water. As soon as it floats to the transfer it to the syrup water.
8. Serve and enjoy!

Well, Christmas is nearly here and I've finally finished my Christmas shopping. Last weekend, we headed up to Sydney to visit and had lunch with his two aunts, brother, parents and his grandfather. (an amazing man of 97 years old) Of course, we exchanged Christmas gifts and had a rather lovely time.

This weekend we wil be off to Sydney again to celebrate with my sister and her husband. My sister will be making turkey and ham with a few other sides. I will be making my 'will-soon-be-famous' pavlova. =) It will be lovely and I'm getting excited.


I've applied to volunteer at Salvation Army and RSPCA. I got an email back from Salvos this morning, but unfortunately, nothing from RSPCA yet. Humbug. It will be fantastic if I could get a volunteering position in RSPCA.

I watched a show the other day (forgotten what it was called) but the leading actor mentioned that everyone should have 'a bucket'. A Bucket is where you write down goals and dreams in a small piece of paper and then throw them into a bucket and randomly select one. The one you select will be your main priority. For an example, if one of my goals in life is to have a vacation in Hawaii, I write that down and if I randomly selected that goal, it would then be my main goal and priority to do, so I will have to work as hard as I can to achieve that Hawaiian holiday.

I should start that immediately. My New Year's resolution!!!

Christmas?!!!

It's 5.20 in the morning and I'm awake and can't sleep. I feel tired but it's like my body refuses to let me lie down in still for more than 3 minutes.
Can't believe Christmas is next weekend. I haven't even finished my Christmas shopping yet. Got to do that this week. *sigh* Hate Christmas shopping. Everywhere is busy and everything is expensive but people think its cheap because the stores have their 'amazing Christmas sale'. What people dont know is that, just before their Christmas sale, they hike up the prices and then just before Christmas, they put it down again n say their prices are the best! Liars!!
Then it's the annoying problem of thinking of what presents to give each other. Its like a never ending loop of presents buying and wrapping. No wonder suicide rates sky-rocket at this time of the year!
Im not a scrooge. I love Christmas, I really do. But the past couple of years I have realized that Christmas has been too overrated. And the worst thing is, you're sitting thefe thinking "shud i buy a present for Laila?" coz you two are not that close but she has hinted of exchanging Christmas presents. So you spent hours figuring out what to get her, when finally you settled on an expensive coffee machine. When it was time to exchange presents, you found out she bought you a pencil. A freaking pencil.

Bah- who has all that energy?

Christmas Dessert Choices

So we're going to my sis's place in Sydney for Christmas and we'll be having a 'pot luck' dinner where everyone was supposed to be bringing something. I volunteered to do some dessert and now I'm wrecking my brains thinking of what to bake. I have a few options:

1) Chocolate Sponge Cake (that looks something like this:)

2) Pavlova (that will look something like this:)

3) Apple Crumble (that will look something like this:)
Sigh...decisions, decisions, decisions!

I can't believe it's less than 3 weeks til Christmas. It's gonna be so busy for both the hubby and myself starting this weekend. We need to sort out the christmas cards, buying christmas gifts, wrapping them up, then meeting up with our friends one last time before they go back to their respective hometowns or travelling for the holiday. Of course, next weekend we would be having an early Christmas celebration with the in-laws at Sydney, so that would be fun.

Okay, its 6.30AM now, time to cook some brekkie for the husband. =)

Shepherd's Pie

Made Shepherd's Pie for dinner last night. It was fabulous.
=)

Here's the ingredients to the fab dish.

Ingredients
· 1 tblsp vegetable oil
· 2 brown onions, finely chopped
· 1 medium carrot, finely chopped
· 1 clove garlic, crushed
· 750g beef mince
· 2 tblsps plain flour
· 1 tblsp chopped rosemary
· 400g can chopped tomatoes
· 1 tblsp Worcestershire sauce
· 2 cups beef stock
· 4 medium tomatoes, cut into 5mm slices
· Fresh herbs, to garnish

Potato Topping
· 1kg boiling potatoes, chopped
· 50g butter, chopped
· 1/4 cup milk
· 2 tblsps finely chopped parsley
· Salt and pepper, to taste

Method
1. Heat oil in a pan. Add onions, carrot and garlic. Cook, stirring, until onions are soft. Remove from pan.
2. Add mince, in batches, to pan. Stir until browned. Sprinkle in flour and rosemary, and stir for 2 minutes. Add tomatoes, sauce and stock. Bring to boil, then simmer, uncovered, stirring occasionally for 15 minutes.
3. Spoon mince mixture into a shallow, ovenproof dish. Arrange tomato slices over top.
4. To make potato topping, boil potatoes until tender. Drain, then place in a bowl. Mash until smooth. Stir in butter, milk and parsley. Season with salt and pepper.
5. Spoon potato topping over mince mixture, then spread to cover.
6. Cook, uncovered, in a moderate oven (180C) for about 1 hour.


Was really happy because this is the first time I've eaten Shepherd's Pie, let alone managed to cook it. (I know, how can I have lived this long and have not even tried shepherd's pie?) So the hubby was really happy and I was so happy watching him enjoying it.

This weekend, am going to bake Apple Crumble! =) Woot!!!

Why didn't Noah kill those two mosquitos?

What's worst than having a mosquito bite on your big toe?
3 mosquito bites on your big toe.

I hate mosquitos almost as much as i hate spiders.
That's hatred.

Sleep fairy & the sheep counting

It's nearly 7AM and i still cant sleep. Finally took that 5 minutes to set up blogging via my phone, and now I can blog whetever I am. FUN.

I should try to fall asleep but I keep waking up every few minutes. Have tried everything from counting sheeps, drinking hot decaf tea and playing games on my phone and my laptop. Sleep fairy doesnt show up no matter what, and by the time it's 5PM tomorrow and it's time to head to Sam's for hot pot dinner party, I'd be yawning every 3 seconds and be dying to sleep.
Bugger.

Am gonna try the sheep counting again!

Easy Fried Rice with Grilled hoi Sin Chicken & Apple Pike

Early this morning, the hubby and I went to KMart and we bought my first baking trays set and I was so excited! Yeah, sure it wasn't the most expensive or the best quality brand (Homemaker) but it is cheap and it is usable, so I don't really care.

So for dinner tonight, I made a simple fried rice with grilled chicken with hoi sin sauce and for dessert, I made an Apple Pike. (A cross between a pie and a cake) It was my first pie I've baked by myself (Usually had my mum to guide me) and I must say, I was rather amazed yet disappointed by the result.

The recipe said to bake it for about half an hour in a 220 preheated oven but mine came out slightly burnt and I didn't realize it as I was cooking dinner at the same time.


Fried Rice

Ingredient:
- 2 tbs vegetable oil
- 2 cups cooked rice
- Mixed Vegetables
- 1 cup Chicken Stock
- Sale & Pepper to taste
- Chicken (cubed)
- 1 tsp Hoi Sin Sauce

Method:
- Marinate the chicken with hoi sin sauce for approx. 15 minutes.
- Heat up the oil in a large wok.
- Add in the cooked rice and fry for approx. 2 minutes.
- Add in the mixed vegetables and cook for approx. 2 minutes.
- Add in the chicken stock and cook for approx. 4-5 minutes.
- Salt and pepper to taste.
- Grill the marinated chicken till brown.
- Serve with fried rice whilst hot.



Apple Pike
Ingredients:

- 1 cup all-purpose flour
- 3 eggs
- 1/2 cup white sugar
- 1/4 cup brown sugar
- 1 tsp cinnamon
- 2 granny smith apples (corred and chopped)

Methods:
- Preheat the oven to 200 degrees.
- Mix together the flour, white sugar, brown sugar and cinnamon. Ensure that the flour has been sifted.
- Pour in the 3 eggs and mix well and ensure there are no lumps.
- Add in the apples and mix well.
- Grease your pie tray with 1 tsp of butter.
- Bake for approximately 20-25 minutes, until the edges start to brown and a toothpick comes out clean.
- When baked, leave on cooling rack for at least 10-15 minutes. Serve with vanilla ice cream! :)

Xia Xue vs Community Channel

Q: When you put Xia Xue and Community Channel together in a room, who will come out alive?

Xia Xue - you either hate her, or love her but you have to have heard of her as a blogger. She is famous for writing sarcastic, witty and usually very vain topics. She has won several awards, including the "Regions's Best Blog" and the "Most Influential Blog". She even has her own Wikipedia entry.

She has got to be the most 'entertaining' and bitchiest person I have ever met in my life. I remembered once, she wrote an entire paragraph about how she travelled to Malaysia for some good food and ate the oiliest 'kangkung' (Water spinach) She bitched and moaned about it so much that my friend and I nicknamed her the 'oily kangkung queen'. (Also because once, she posted a picture of her and her face was so oily, you could fry an egg with that amount of oil.) And of course, here I am writing an entire paragraph about her writing an entire paragraph about oily kangkung.

As many fans that she has, she definitely has a lot of haters. And do I blame them? No. Admittedly she does have a knack for making a very dull topic interesting but she sure makes me want to bitch slap her across the face. She is very talented at making people hate her, or have a bad impression on her. If you look her up in Wikipedia, you can tell that she has had a few issues where she was accused of being 'rude', 'racist' and even had a lawsuit.

I'm sorry but Xia Xue just reminds me of an Asian version of a dumb blonde who has too much free time and a love of photoshoping herself to look prettier. (Not that photoshoping yourself to look better is bad, but there is a fine line between looking better and being obsessive.)

You may also have heard of Natalie Tran. She is a famous Australian Vlogger who uses the nickname communitychannel. Her videos include observational and self-deprecating humour, as well as stream-of-consciousness commentary on social dilemmas. She plays most roles, combining multiple takes using split-screen compositing. Now, she is a video blogger that most people can relate to.

Nat was nominated for "Best YouTube Channel or Personality" and "Funniest YouTube Channel" by Mashable in their 2009 Open Web Awards. And of course, it is not surprising that her channel was the most subscribed channel of all-time in Australia and the 22nd most subscribed channel of all-time on Youtube. And that lucky girl was placed at number 10 on their list of top ten earners from Youtube advertising and had over 138,871,829 views. And what's even more lucky is that she is sponsored a global odyssey sponsored by Lonely Planet.

I love Nat for her honesty and that she isn't a back-stabbing vain bitch. But oh I hate her so much for getting a sponsored trip around the world. *sigh*


A: Xia Xue will lose within 5 seconds. Community Channel will emerge from the room in a Superwoman's suit and a kiss on her biceps.

shoes, shoes, shoes

I think I've been feeling a little cranky lately. Cranky, nervous and frustrated. I guess it's because this is the longest I've been through without working and having to depend on someone else for money to buy simple things likes beautiful pair of shoes. (Besides being a kid then)

And I hate asking for money to to satisfy my obsession. Sigh.

Check these out:

Zipper High Heels AUD$55.00

Tony Bianco Satin Champagne Heels AUD$120.00

Victoria Secret Black Pump AUD$89.00

High Heel Suede AUD$55.00

Alannah Hill Pink Heels AUD$399.00

Tony Bianco Croc Leather Heels AUD$160.00

I've been stopping myself from buying any pair of shoes lately. In fact, the last time I bought a pair of shoes was because my friend kept asking me to buy it because it is so beautiful and was only AUD$19.90 (after 50% off).



That was over 2 months ago.

I want more! I need more!!!

I blinked and suddenly it's November

*Ahem*

Been a few months since my last entry. How fast time flew. I blinked once and suddenly I'm married and it's November. How insane is that?

Well, in August we had our wedding and it was beautiful. It wasn't the biggest or the most expensive or the most exquisite wedding but it was perfect for both Tim and myself. If I could, I would go through the day over and over again.


It was pretty busy for us for the first few months together, with the wedding preparation, then all the legal things, then Tim got busy looking for a job and found a good one, we then moved to a new house and now it's nearly December and it still feels like just last week that we both said "I Do".

With so much free time I have now, I've been really considering about going back to school. Or maybe just do a few short courses while working. I think I have a need for a rush, and what's a better rush than having to struggle between a full time job and studying part time? (Besides doing some crazy stunts) I've done full time working and part time studying before. In fact, that was exactly what I did for 3 years while I was completing my Diploma in Marketing before I came to Aussie for my Degree. I spent 2 years in an advertising line and 1 year in marketing line while studying.

And of course, being a poor uni student, I had to work part time to help pay some bills like grocery and shopping. So, considering I'm so used to it, it wouldn't be so difficult to do this right? Now I just need to look for a job that I love and do a course. I'm thinking Animal Care. :)
I saw a job vacancy ad in RSPCA a few weeks ago for a Marketing and Event Assistant position and I was soooooo excited and frustrated at the same time. It would be the perfect job for me - I could be with cute animals and be in Marketing and Event at the same time! How perfect!

But with that position long gone, I figured if I wanted to do something with my life and get a job that really fulfills me, why don't I start doing courses that could help me get that job?

What's life without any motivation, dedication and inspiration?

Blog soon!

1 week of miracle

It has been a week since I arrived in Canberra. All I can say is that, time sure as hell pass really quickly. I've been waiting for this moment for so long, to finally be in the arms of the man I love and to feel the sense of peace and happiness when I walk out of the house each day.

I can't deny the fact that I miss KL miserably. I miss my friends, I miss the food, I even miss the way KL looks at nights, I miss the 'chill-ness' of everyone, and most of all, I miss my mummy. I miss her terribly. Yesterday, I broke down and cried, missing her and feeling so guilty for leaving her. I miss her laughter and how she annoys me when she storms into my room and sits on my bed and demand me to entertain her. I miss our mother-daughter talks and how she treats me as a friend. She is really the best mother in the world. *sob*

I'm getting married in less than 2 months. I'm so nervous and excited at the same time. I'm trying desperately not to freak out. I can't wait to be Mrs. Halliday. =) I love him so much, sometimes I just look at him and wonder how in the world I can be so lucky, to have found this wonderful man and fall madly in love with him and have him loves me back so much. I'm truly blessed.

Right now, I'm just trying to plan everything, from the wedding to looking for a new place to move to. I am just hoping and praying that everything will work out.

Last Night.

Last night in KL. Mixed emotions. Don't even know what I should be thinking, feeling or doing. Do I fall asleep, surrounded with the comfort of home, or should I stay awake, appreciating the things around me for the very last time.
The next time I'm back 'home', I won't have a home. I won't have this. I won't belong. I will be an outsider. A foreigner, a silly tourist trying to fit in.
I know the next time, it will never be the same. I can't help but to think this is all a mistake. My mum said it's cold feet. I'm feeling anxious, nervous, excited and scared at the same time and it's natural. Is it? Is it normal to feel this way?
Here I am, about to embark on the next life. My future, away from everything and everyone I know since I was born, and about to step foot into a cold, difficult phase of my life. Am I ready for this?
I am so frightened. Sometimes, I lay on my bed for hours, tossing and turning, not even thinking logically. Waves of emotions flooded through me and I get panicky. I sigh and moan, groan and cry. But after hours of that, things have not changed. I was still lying there, having a panic attack, feeling alone and ashamed of my own feelings. Is that natural?
Why am I so scared? I always wanted this, always knew I would never regret making this decision, but then I question myself. I have no answers for my own questions, I couldn't comfort myself or assure myself that 'Yes, it's the right and best decision.'
All I can do now is to pray and hope and do the best and wisest thing I can think of, just go along with it and work hard, save money, be independent, progress in life, be faithful, be loyal, be the best wife, the best daughter in-law, perhaps even one day, the best mother. That's the only thing I can pray and hope for.
I sincerely hope that's the best decision.
Life.
Life.
So complicating, or do we humans only make it complicating?
Is this fated? Is this my destiny? Why am I here? Why is this happening to me?
Fuck.
Why don't we just live our lives, the way we want it?
Why don't we just survive?
Why don't we just be happy?
Why don't we just live?

7 Wonders Anniversary

12th June 2010.

A wonderful celebration day.
Today marks the 10th year anniversary of my friends and my friendship's bond. We call ourselves the 7 Wonders. Throughout high school, college and now in the working world, we have been buddies and I never doubt for even once that our friendship will end.
Sure, we have been through some rough times, had some nasty patches, some were tearful, regrettable and backstabing moments, but there were plenty of wonderful, joyful times as well. More in fact, as we gotten much more matured.

So many things I'd like to tell them, but there were never time. I always thought I'd always have another day or time I can tell them how much I love them, appreciate all they've done for me and how they've been the best friends I've ever had and could ever ask for.

So, Jennifer, Cecile, Mei Wah, Mui Theng, Nicole, Shirley -----> I heart you all.

Today is also the day I celebrate my last clubbing night with my friends as a single woman. And 3 days from now, I'll grab my luggages, board that flight and fly to a place where I had finally found and love and be together with the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. I'll never regret coming back here, nor will I regret making the decision to move there. I know I will always remember my friends, and as much as I want to be with them, I know, in time I'll have to learn to let them go.

I guess I can say, I won't be who I am today, if it is not without those beautiful, annoying, frustrating, but amazingly awesome bunch of people in my life.

Thank you for making my life beautiful!!! ~

INsane

I never knew you could make me feel the way you do
How you can turn and twist my words around
And charm your way through
I never knew someone like you could make my heart skip a beat
How just a touch of your skin could make me twitch
You are everything I hate
The way you talk, the way you walk
And the way you act as a man
I hate how you hold me
Touch me, dance so close with me
And the way you whisper in my ears
You're the man I love to hate
And the man I hate to love
What can I do to stop thinking of you?
You're the devil who stole my heart
And broke it into two
What can I do
When everything I do, I think of you?
I need to find a way to get you off my mind
Before I go insane

The Reality of Making Mistakes

I guess the reality of it all doesn't get to you till you sit down, really think about it and then in a nano-second, your thoughts become blurry and you feel a twitch of pain, that cuts deep into your heart. The impact of the reality doesn't just walk up to you, knock on your door and present you with a flowery card. No.

It comes flying towards you and slaps you right in the face. And at that point, you can't do anything to stop it, except to panic and cry. Because seriously, how many of us can really block those thoughts away with a simple turn of a head?

We're all human. We all make mistakes. But what happens when you make a mistake that can change your life entirely? One mistake that can change all your plans, your hopes, your dreams? What if that mistake represents you and your life?

And sure, people say mistakes happen, and just DON'T DO IT AGAIN. LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKE. But, what if you can't? After all, isn't there another saying, "Once a thief, always a thief?"

Then, what if let's say, the mistake has been made, and you've managed to overcome it, what if it haunts you for the rest of your life? Can you imagine going through life, living a lie? Living the life of a cheater?

What do you do in situations like such? Do you shrug it off, have a freaking chocolate ice cream and watch the sunset, dream about diamonds and gold?

I'm just thinking, why do people make mistakes, which they know they will regret, and then of course, they later regret, when the sensible thing to do is not to do it in the first place, thus not having to regret about making the mistake?

Bob Marley rocks my socks!

I hate working.

I want to retire.

And travel around the world, sunbathing at the beach, with a glass of yummy pina colada, listening to bob marley and making love to my darling in the moonlight.

FML.

The Wedding Ring & My Best Friends

It's really happening now. I've bought my flight tickets, done my visa, and have been packing my things to be shipped over. Just thinking about it makes me want to burst out in laughter and tears. In nearly 2 months, I will be in Australia. With my *gosh* husband.

I love him so much. It has been so tough on us being seperated for so long. I wonder how in those days when the men goes away for war and leave their wives behind, how do they cope with it? And I talk to him everyday, online, sms and calls. I see him through webcam, we talk on skype, and on facebook. But how do people do it 30, 40 years ago? Writting letters now just seems so difficult and takes such a long time.

What would I do without technology? *shudders*

My little part time online boutique has been going quite ok. I've not been updating it regularly enough or even advertising or marketing it. Which is ironic, since I majored in Marketing and minored in advertising. And am doing marketing right now. Check out www.helpmegetridofthis.blogspot.com. I originally started it because I have SO many clothes that I hardly wear and since I'm moving, I should clear out my closet. Anyways, this gives me more reason to shop. LOL. But then I realized that I could eventually do a small part time business selling clothes. Why not? They're all out there. Heck, I'm one of them. I online browse so much, sometimes I think I have ran out of stores to browse.

I am sure going to miss my buddies. They've been there for me through thick and thin for so many years. We have been through a lot. Through our high school bitching, backstabbing, scratching high school phases, through our first boyfriends, through our first break-ups and heart breaks, through graduating from high school, through enrolling to college and through graduating from universities, through getting our first jobs, and now..here I am..the first one to wear the golden band. The wedding ring.

Sometimes I wonder what I will do without them? Wonders, if you're reading this..I want you to know, I love you guys so much. Whatever I have said and done wrong, I'm sorry and I hope that our friendship is strong enough for us to be friends forever. You are the friend I want and need for life. Without your support and friendship, I doubt I would be the person I am right now, or be who I want to be. Thank you for the years of friendship. Your honesty, your laughter, your jokes, your support, your encouragement, your shoulder to cry on, and just being who you are to me. I'll never forget our bond and will always treasure it, no matter where I am in this world. I really hope we will never lose this bond and will always be best friends, no matter where we all are. *muacks*

Online Shopping

The past few weeks have been really busy. I've been working hard in the office, drinking hard in bars, and shopping hard online. Literally stressed out right now from all the 'hardness'. (LOL) I'm addicted to online shopping. Not only shopping, but ONLINE SHOPPING. There. I said it. I've admitted it!

To all you people out there who shops online, watch out! You may think you're getting a great bargain going through all the online boutiques who promises you great quality, cheap prices and excellent services! They may be right, but what they didn't tell is, that you'll be HOOKED! Forever.

You won't stop spending hours after hours of browsing shops after shops, constantly screaming in your mind, "OMG!! I want THAT!", "I HAVE to have this, if not, I'll just DIE!!" or even the typical, "This is SO cheap, even though i don't really like it / can't fit into it, it's too cheap not to get it. I just have to get it, I'll wear it eventually / even if I have to lose like 20 pounds to fit into it."

Then the buying starts, but it NEVER stops! It's like a very natural thing to do when you're online, the first few things you'd do is check out the 'latest arrival' on your favourite online shops. And when you're not browsing for clothes online, you're constantly thinking and wondering if they have uploaded more clothes, and worrying if by the time you went online to check, the clothes would all be sold out coz it was too awesome not to be bought.

I've spent about RM500 on shopping, more than half of it on online shopping in less than 2 months. I kid you not. Am I feeling guilty? NO. Am I feeling happy about it? NO. I'm just stressed. When I'm stressed, I shop. A lot. When other people are stressed, they exercise, or clean the car, or listen to music, or blog..but me? When I'm stressed, I feel I need to spend money. Not good.

What do I do?

It's been a while since my last entry. Been really occupied and whenever I have some time off, I'd get so tired and lazy. So many things had happened in these few weeks. Parents have been back for a week now..and the house has been sold. So as one of the cars. Yes. It's fast. I'm getting more nervous yet excited. I'll sum it up by saying I'm feeling anxious.

I'm meeting with an Australian Agent tomorrow and I'm heaps nervous. I have no idea what to expect or know what I should say or ask. Tomorrow is basically the day that I will find out what my options are.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for this. A part of me thinks, 'Yes..I can do this. I love him. He loves me. We're two individuals who love each other and can't stand to be apart from each other. What is a marriage certificate for us to be together again? Besides, it will be so romantic and nice to finally settle down with someone I love so much.'

But then the other part of me is screaming and I have butteflies the size of a basketball flying around in my tummy. What if I can't stand the marriage life? What if I change my mind about being married? What if I suck at being a wife? Or a daughter -in-law? SOB.

What do I do??

EMO

I miss him so much, sometimes I cry myself to sleep thinking about him and the times we've had together.
I find that life has been so cruel to me.

So unfair.

Tough on the outside, soft in the inside.

I've been feeling kinda down lately. And people are beginning to notice. It's not that I want be or look down, I just can't be happy. I'm worried I might go through being depressed again.

Last Wednesday was awful for me. It happened again. The first big one since I got back. I was so afraid that I might do something that I would regret or even worst, hurt myself. It came and ended so suddenly, it made me feel like I was outside my body, looking at myself and then back all over again.

I just kept crying and crying and forcing myself to not get up from the couch because I knew if I did, I'd do almost anything to make it stop. To make it worst, I couldn't find my medication and I knew I was f*cked. I didn't have anyone to calm me down, it was like 2 in the morning and I didn't know what else to do except to cry and pray that the attack would stop.

I fell asleep right after that, exhausted from panicking and crying. I woke up with a terrible headache and felt like shit the whole day. But I managed to smile and act happy. My colleagues think I have sugar rush because I kept smiling and laughing and joking. If only they knew the truth.

Only the people closest to me would know and sense the sadness I'm actually feeling. It's hard, pretending to be happy when inside, you're really crumbling. But I know, sometimes it's better to pretend everything is fine.

I guess with everything that has been happening to me now really pushed me to the limit and because I didn't think or reflect on all those things while it was happening, it has now caught up with me and is telling my brains -"HEY FOOL!!! LOOK HERE!!! REFLECT ON THIS YOU MORON!"

I need a break. Or maybe some answers.

Maybe I just need to get away from here.

Everyone and everything.

The Pink Rock, Percy Jackson vs Harry Potter and Alice in F*cking Wonderland

It's 3.31 AM on a Monday morning and here I am yet again, unable to fall asleep even though I've been trying to sleep since 9.30 PM. But goodie, besides Facebook-stalking people and staring at the clock, I've watched two episodes of How I Met Your Mother and three episodes of The Big Bang Theory. Man, I love those two series. What would life be without them? And then I watched The Tooth Fairy and Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief.

The Tooth Fairy was kind of...odd to me. It isn't something that you'd think someone like Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) to star in. The last film I've watched starring him was The Game Plan and it was also quite ...'different'. Let's just say that it is a movie you watch with your 5 year old kid on a lazy Sunday afternoon. It is a family movie after all and I didn't say it was bad, I just think it is a movie that is very unlikely I'll want to watch twice, considering I'm not 5. But trust me, the best part about the movie was seeing a full grown man in a bright pink fairy costume together with huge fury pink wings. That is enough to make you drop down from the pain of laughing. Overall, I'd rate it 4/10.

Now, Percy Jackson & Olympians: The Lightning Thief started out as a movie I thought I'd be bored watching but right after the evil looking creature flew across the hall, I knew I'd like this show. And it was a good movie. Loved the graphics and the light effects, though I can't help but to think it has a similar concept as Harry Potter. I feel this is the movie I'd love to watch with friends, and I do recommend watching it with your kids. It tells a story of friendship, honour, love and adventure. It isn't too 'threatening', so you wouldn't feel gory after watching it. Nevertheless, I there could be more things that could be done with the movie to make it more interesting. Overall, I'd rate it 6.5/10.

I'm waiting for the 11th March. And you all know what 11th March means?!!! ALICE IN WONDERLAND. YAYYYY!!! Alice in F*cking Wonderland yaalll!!! I can't wait!! Johnny Depp is so cute. I've managed to resist the temptation of reading any reviews or critics about the movie, because I want to have absolutely NO expectiations at all. I'm going to have so much fun watching Johnny Depp playing the Mad Hatter. And Anne Hathaway is so beautiful, she'd look amazing as the White Queen.

Well.

It's nearly 4 AM now, and I still can't sleep. I'm going to hate myself at work. Why do I always do this to myself? I always sleep all day on Saturday and then not sleep at all the night before work. Especially on Mondays. I swear, it's like a curse.

Gonna go re-watch more episodes of The Big Bang Theory and try to fall asleep.

Adios.

It's time the little birdy to fly away from the nest

Kinda in a shock right now..

Earlier this evening, Jen and I went to a bar at Taman Tun and were just chilling and talking when I got a phone call from my mum. She was sick and had a terrible sore throat and she started by saying that she and my dad loves me very much and needs me to listen very carefully to what she had to say. Of course, any other person would think of the worst so I started panicking with horrible thoughts going through my mind and then she said that they have bought a place in the States and will be migrating in September.

I didn't really know what to say except "uhuh...", and then she said that we would need to move out of the house by June into the condo. Then they'd leave in September and then what happens? What would I do, and where would I go? I always knew my parents would one day migrate to the States, they've been telling me since I was 14. And since last year, they've been really looking at houses and saving money for their migration. My mum did reassure me however, that they'd probably only migrate there next year or the following year. It's not like I'm planning to stay with my parents forever, but this is a little all of the sudden.

In my last post I mentioned that I have to start making plans to move to Australia and maybe this will help to motivate me even more, to give me that extra push and pressure to stop just dreaming of it but to actually do something about it. And Jen is right, this is really going to benefit me in the end. So, I should take it as a positive thing. Besides, I am really, really happy for my parents. They deserve this and it is about time they migrate out of the city life and to a more peaceful community with excellent health benefits, and just retire happily. Like Jen said, "It's time for the little birdies to fly away from the nest." Lol.

Maybe now Donnie and I can really start thinking about our future together. And who knows what happens then? The future holds an entire world of mystery that we'd all like to have a sneak preview of, but that's where the excitement is.

I don't want that life

It's been rather depressing and lonely lately. Since the parents left overseas for a holiday, I find myself doing noting much all day except zombie around the house and moan and groan about how pathetic my life really is.

I really feel that I'm really wasting my time here. I wake up and I look around me, and think to myself.."I hate the cupboard.", "I hate that clock.", "I hate this bed.", "I hate the annoying parquet floor that keeps coming out.", or "I hate this place."

I'm not being a diva or ungrateful for all the things that I have or were given to me. I do appreciate life and people who has always been there for me through thick and thin. But each day when I wake up, I get depressed and feeling nostalgic for the fact that I'm still here. I'm living a life which I don't want to live.

Spoken to a few people whom I think have had a lot of life experiences and I concluded that to actually be happy and be a better person, you have to be selfish in a certain extend in your life. If you're not selfish, you're only allowing other people to take advantage of you and with you out there pleasing everyone else, you're only going to forget about yourself and your needs, and then live a bitter, lonely and hateful life in the end.

I don't want that life.

If I really want to change it, I have to stop dreaming it, and actually start living it. And it all starts by making decisions that will lead me to that life.

CNY pro & con...hmm

Last day of CNY today. The good thing about it, no more fireworks or dogs barking in the middle of the night. No more people shoving food down your throat. No more aunties pinching your face and exclaiming oh so loudly about how much you've grown and pestering you to get married, that you're "too" old and need to start a family.

I'm NOT TOO OLD, mind you!!

Bad thing about it, no more happy joyful people, traffic is gonna be crazy again, there's gonna be people everywhere, and i mean everywhere. Work is going to be more stessful, now that everything is way past the dateline. Next actual holiday is in May. In freaking MAY!!

Life's going to be a routine once again. I hate routines. It's so blardy boring.

But joy, yesterday I went shopping with MT and we spent nearly 2 hours in 1 shop alone, tried on like 20 different clothes each and I spent about RM130 for a pair of shoes, a dress and a cute halter top. On the way back home, I realized that I bought the same dress in a different colour just 2 days ago. Felt so emo and dumb.

Off to go shopping now!
chiow!

Back2u

For my silly wabbit...

i owe you 20 dollars baby you were right
i guess i should have thought it through before
i swear that all i've done since i got off the flight is
missed you much and then missed you some more
unpack my bags, put on some tunes but all it did was
make me think of you
now i'm a wreck, i miss my beau
being away from you is just not cool

i love what you do to me baby
the touch of you makes me go crazy
i figure there's only one thing to do
i gotta get back 2 u

i need you to whisper in my ear
and tell me the things that i want to hear
the moment that i got here boy i knew
i've gotta get back 2 u

rush rush my boy
running on back 2 u

rush rush my boy
as fast as i can 2 u

can't wait until your arms are wrapped around me
tight, all night, every night
we'll watch the stars turn into the morning light,
right there side by side
the things you say, the little things you do
make me come, make me go ooh ooh
i need you close
i'll be home soon
and when i get back i'm gonna stick like glue
i love what you do to me baby
the touch of you makes me go crazy
i figure there's only one thing to do
i gotta get back 2 u

(repeat chorus)

gotta get back to where i never feel alone
back to the best and only love i've ever known
to the familiar face, that smile
you make me laugh until i cry
where i'm in love
coz you're my hon
i'm runnin' on back 2 u
i love what you do to me baby
the touch of you makes me go crazy
i figure there's only one thing to do
i gotta get back 2 u

(repeat chorus)

rush rush my boy
running on back 2 u

rush rush my boy
as fast as i can 2 u

rush rush my boy
running on back 2 u

rush rush my boy
as fast as i can 2 u

i'm rushin'
running right back 2 u, back 2 u

True Frienship

I've never been the one who had tons of friends. I have tons of acquaintances yes, but real friends are hard to find these days, and I've been lucky enough to have a group of amazing friends who have been there for me all these years.

True friends are the ones who sticks by you all your life and they are the honest to hell people who frustrates and annoy you to no end. They are also the ones who laughs with you (and at you), cries with you and bitch slaps the person who is mean to you.

They're like super glue. Only they don't stink. (Well, sometimes)

People say when you lose a friend, you lose a part of your life. When a friend stops being a friend, a little bit of you dies inside. And I really believe in that. But when a friend stops being your friend for reasons you don't even know why, it really, really kills you.

I don't know why he just stopped talking to me? Have we drifted apart? Does he think he's too good for me? Did I do or say anything wrong? Have I offended him in some way? See, I'm a simple kind of girl and I hate to complicate things and life, but I can be egoistic as hell. So when someone is pissed off with me, the best way to let me know is to tell me off. And I believe I am an understanding kind of person. And if you tell me that I've been a fucked up friend, I'd apologize, vow never to do it again and grovel at your feet.

But when you 'pretend' to be my friend and ignore me, isn't that a little unfair to me? At least, let me know what I've done wrong so I know why you stopped talking to me. And being best friends for so many years, after going through so many shit together and promising each other so many things, you just DON'T do that to me. It's not fair. It's not right.

I guess I've been so bitter and frustrated about it. And maybe, pushing my ego away I can admit that I really do miss him and his friendship. I thought after not seeing each other for so long while I was studying overseas, he'd be the first one to actually call me up and drag me out of the house. But instead, after more than two months here, and he has never even texted me. What? Are you too good for me now that you're a pharmacist? Do you have better, richer, more good looking friends? Do you hate me so much (for whatever reason it is) that you can just throw away our friendship?

I was so confused at first, and then I was so pissed off with him. But now, I guess I'm just so disappointed with gim. And call me a chicken or egoistic, but I can never ever tell him this right at his face.

I'm not sure if you call this stalking, but I'd ocassionally go to his Facebook page just to see what he has been up to, and I keep wishing that he'd message me in MSN when he logs in. But damn...I'm so depressed.

But in other ways, I'm still lucky and appreciate my group of 7 Wonders even more now. Friends are easy to find. But true friends are like a needle in a haystack. I love you guys.